I love this Doctor

 I love this  Doctor  

Q:  Doctor,  I've heard  that  cardiovascular exercise can  prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your  heart is  only good for so many  beats, and that's  it...  don't waste them on exercise.  Everything wears out  eventually.   Speeding up your heart will not make you live  longer; that's like saying you can extend   the life of your car by driving it  faster.  Want to live longer?  Take  a  nap.  

Q: Should  I  cut  down on meat and  eat more fruits  and  vegetables?
A: You  must  grasp  logistical efficiencies.  What  does a cow eat?   Hay and  corn.   And what are these?   Vegetables.  So a steak  is nothing  more  than an efficient mechanism of   delivering vegetables to your   system.   Need grain?    Eat  chicken.   Beef is also a good  source  of field grass  (green leafy  vegetable).   And a pork chop can   give you  100% of your recommended daily  allowance of  vegetable  products.  

Q:  Should  I reduce my  alcohol  intake?  
A:  No,  not  at all.  Wine is made from  fruit.   Brandy is  distilled wine,  that means  they take the water out of  the fruity bit so  you  get even more of the goodness that   way.   Beer is also made out  of  grain.  Bottoms   up!  

Q:  How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?  
A:  Well,  if you have a body and you have fat,  your ratio is one  to one.  If you have  two bodies, your  ratio is two to  one,  etc.

Q: What  are some  of  the advantages of participating in a  regular  exercise  program?  
A:  Can't  think of a single one, sorry.   My  philosophy is: No   Pain...Good!  


Q:   Aren't  fried  foods bad for you?  
A:  YOU'RE   NOT  LISTENING!!! ......  Foods are fried  these days in  vegetable oil.  In  fact,  they're permeated in it.  How  could  getting more  vegetables be bad  for  you?  

Q:  Will   sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little  soft  around  the  middle?  
A: Definitely  not!  When  you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.  You  should only be  doing sit-ups if you  want a bigger stomach.  

Q:  Is    chocolate bad for me?  
A:  Are    you crazy? HELLO   Cocoa  beans ! Another  vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good    food around!

Q:  Is    swimming good for your figure?  
A:   If   swimming is good for  your  figure, explain whales to  me.  

Q:  Is  getting in-shape important for my  lifestyle?  
A:  Hey!   'Round' is  a shape!  

Well,   I hope  this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have  had about  food   and diets.  
AND.....
For  those of you  who watch what you eat, here's the final  word  on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know  the  truth after all those conflicting  nutritional  studies.  

1.  The Japanese eat  very little  fat
and  suffer  fewer heart attacks than   Americans.

2. The Mexicans  eat  a lot of  fat
and suffer fewer heart  attacks than  Americans.

3. The Chinese   drink very little  red wine
and  suffer fewer  heart attacks than   Americans.

4. The  Italians  drink a lot  of red  wine
and suffer  fewer heart attacks  than  Americans.  

5. The Germans   drink a lot of beers and eat lots of  sausages  and fats  and suffer fewer heart attacks than  Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat  and drink what  you like.
Speaking  English is  apparently what kills   you.
 
AND   REMEMBER:
'Life should   NOT  be a journey to the grave with the  intention of  arriving  safely in an  attractive and well preserved  body, but  rather  to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in  one  hand - chocolate in  the other - body  thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and  screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a  Ride'