Perspective !!

At the Airport

A crowded flight is cancelled, and a frazzled agent must rebook a long line of inconvenienced travelers by herself. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushes to the front and demands to be on the next flight, first class.

The agent replies, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first."

The passenger screams, "Do you have ANY idea who I am?"

The gate agent grabs her public address microphone, "May I have your attention, please? We have a passenger here WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."

The man grits his teeth, "Screw you."

She replies, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

How the fight started :D

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife

kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. 

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.

I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years

ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

 

And then the fight started...

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A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..

but, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:

the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

And then the fight started...

LIFE LINE.... GRAND COUPLES

A man and a woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife ' s bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh, that?" she said. "That is the money I made from selling the dolls." : )

14 Reasons to get a dog than a wife

14 Reasons to get a dog than a wife

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog??"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dog's like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Why I fired My Secretary!

  Why I fired My Secretary!
 
  Last week was my birthday
  and I didn't feel very well
  waking up on that morning.
 
  I went downstairs for breakfast
  hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,

  'Happy Birthday!',
  and possibly have a small present for me.
 
  As it turned out,
  she barely said good morning,
  let alone
  ' Happy Birthday.'
 

  I thought...
 
  Well, that's marriage for you,
  but the kids...
  They will remember.
 
  My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
  and didn't say a word.

  So when I left for the office,
  I felt pretty low
  and somewhat despondent.
 
  As I walked into my office,
  my secretary Jane said,
  'Good Morning Boss,
  and by the way

  Happy Birthday ! '
  It felt a little better
  that at least someone had remembered.
 
  I worked until one o'clock ,
  when Jane knocked on my door
  and said, 'You know,

  It's such a beautiful day outside,
  and it is your Birthday,
  what do you say we go out to lunch,
  just you and me.'
  I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
  that's the greatest thing

  I've heard all day.
  Let's go !'
 
  We went to lunch.
  But we didn't go
  where we normally would go.
  She chose instead at a quiet bistro
  with a private table.

  We had two martinis each
  and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
 
  On the way back to the office,
  Jane said, 'You know,
  It's such a beautiful day...
  We don't need to go straight back to the office,

  Do We ?'
 
  I responded,
  'I guess not.
  What do you have in mind ?'
  She said,
  'Let's drop by my apartment,
  it's just around the corner.'

  
 
 
  After arriving at her apartment,
  Jane turned to me and said,
  ' Boss, if you don't mind,
  I'm going to step into the bedroom

  for just a moment.
 
  I'll be right back.'
  'Ok.' I nervously replied.
 
  She went into the bedroom and,
  after a couple of minutes,
  she came out

  carrying a huge birthday cake ...
  Followed
  by my wife,
  my kids,
  and dozens of my friends
  and co-workers,
  all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
 
 

 

  And I just sat there...
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

  On the couch...

 
 
 
 
 

 
 
Naked

Vegetarian Chicken!

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs.  But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent,  they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.  The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a  Catholic.   After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass  ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You  were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.  The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the  neighbourhood.  The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and  prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.  

There  stood Santa,  holding a small bottle of holy water which he  carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz  born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and  you waz raised a lamb  but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!

-- Singh is King --